“I know your deeds, your hard work and your perseverance… You have persevered and have endured hardships for my name, and have not grown weary. Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken your first love. Remember the height from which you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first. If you do not repent, I will come to you and remove your lamp stand from its place.” Rev. 2: 2-5
Love sometimes falls apart…not because you did anything wrong, or because your partner did anything wrong, but because you both suddenly realize that the feelings just aren't there anymore. The affection has turned cold, and the thought of a future with your partner continues to diminish with each passing second. With tears in your eyes, you look at your partner and realize that this may be over, but you know deep down within you that you are not about to hang the towel.
You try everything possible to jump start your feelings, to restore the passion and affection. You pray, you fast, you visit a therapist, you have several heart-to-heart conversations with your partner, but no, your heart too has turned cold. It no longer responds to treatment. The usual overwhelming fear you once had about breaking up and leading a separate life apart from your partner has suddenly given way to boldness and courage that life after love would be ok. You find that the hold your partner had on you has melted away and you feel free but yet you can’t walk away.
A million thoughts flood your mind, and you feel lost in your own world, where only you exist…pondering and continuing to ponder. It feels very peaceful and quiet, just emotions, raw emotions, some beautiful, some good and some sad. You beam a smile; as you remember that fateful day you first realized that you had fallen in love with this person. The feeling ushers in some warmth in your heart and you also notice the warmth running down your cheeks, streaming from your eyes. You laugh as you remembered your first kiss. You remember exactly how you felt, where you were, what you were wearing and how perfect the blissful moment was. You remember how you said goodbye and how you died everyday longing and waiting for another opportunity to be together. You remember how you tossed all night on your bed, encapsulated in a world you created in your mind just for the two of you. How sorely you missed the little things they did that swept you off your feet. You remember how you sat at your desk at work, for hours on end, not really doing anything, just consumed with thoughts of your time together. You catch yourself smiling harder and then bursting into laughter as you remembered how happy, joyful and excited you were when you learned you were going to be a couple, you are in this for the long haul.
And you ask yourself, but how can I move on when we’ve come so far? How can I move on when every fiber in me still glows every time I think of the wonderful times we shared? You know there is still a flicker of love in your heart for your partner when you start to forget him and then someone says his name or something smells like him or someone has his smile and you completely lose all the progress you made.
Your love may have been bruised. Your love may have been scarred. Your love may be on life support, but you must learn to love again. Love must go on. It may be a long hard road, but it’s worth it. Your love may have fallen apart but true love never dies. You must find strength within you to pick up all the broken pieces and put them back together. It may not be quite the same again or nearly as perfect, but it is guaranteed to be more shiny and beautiful and glorious than it had ever been. The worst thing you could do is walk away, when you can afford to stay and make things better. Anyone can give up; it is the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that’s true strength.
When darkness is at its darkest in your relationship, become the star that shines the brightest. In your relationship, with each sunrise, start anew. Love is just a word until you make the conscious effort to give it life and meaning. Think of all the beauty around you and be happy. What we see in our relationship depends mainly on what we look for…there are always flowers for those who want to see them. Give every day the chance to become the most beautiful day of your life. Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. May your joys be as deep as the ocean and your sorrows as light as its foam as you resolve to rescind that decision to separate and go back to your love.
Happy Valentine's Day from Exolom.com
Leader Chinedu Nicholas Obodo for Exolom Fellowship, Maryland, USA
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